The Other Men
by gethsemane342
Summary: Mockingjay spoilers of a sort. A conversation between a victor, a lover and the Capitol.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own _The Hunger Games Trilogy_.

The Other Men

She slips into the room and sits down on the bed. As she begins to undress, movement catches her attention; she sits upright. The light is switched on. She turns around to look at her sleepy boyfriend.

"Sorry," she whispers. "I tried to be quiet."

He sits up, pulling the duvet up with him, and wipes his eyes. "Don't worry," he says. "I was worried about you. Wasn't really sleeping." He smiles at her. She tries to smile back.

"I wanted to come home yesterday but ... something came up."

He nods. "Urgent?"

"Life or death urgency, I'd say."

He moves over to her, dragging the duvet with him. It is not until he tries to put his arms around her in a hug that she reacts. She jerks slightly as though his touch burns. He draws back.

"Not in the mood?"

"I..." She breathes out. "Sorry, I was ... preoccupied." She kisses him on the cheek, albeit hesitantly. He snakes his arm around her. Seeing her flinch, he lets go again.

"Good time in the Capitol?" he asks blandly. His eyes show his hurt.

"The usual."

"I see." They look at each other for a moment. "Are you getting changed?"

"Huh? Oh, yes." There is no conversation as she swiftly strips and puts on a nightgown. Then she climbs into the bed. He lies down next to her. The light remains on.

"I've been thinking," he says softly. "About us."

"Hmm?"

"How would you feel about children?"

She sits up. "No," she answers instantly.

"Why not?"

"Because ... I can't look after them. You know I can't."

"We could. Together."

"We can't. I go to the Capitol so often, I'd be leaving you with all the work. And to bring them into this world now. No."

"You wouldn't love them?" His voice is still mild.

"Of course I would. But I'd be gone. I have to go."

"You're _always_ gone. On these urgent matters." The funny thing is, he doesn't sound annoyed.

"And I hate it; you know I hate it."

They fall silent again. She expects him to switch off the light as he usually does after these conversations. It stays on.

"Then I've been thinking," he repeats. "About us."

"Yes?"

"And them."

"Them?"

"The other men."

"I _have_ no other men. No other men I love."

"But you still go to them."

"I ... I don't know what to say to this!" She looks at him and, to her shame, finds her eyes are filling with tears. "You know me. You know I would never hurt you."

"I know," he says. "I know it too well. And that's why I think it would be best if we separated."

She had known it was coming but she still says, "No." He nods. "No. You're the only thing I have that's worth ... living for. I _need_ you. I'll stay. I won't go to the Capitol."

"I won't be here." He takes a deep breath and she gets the feeling he's been rehearsing this. "I'll come back though. Just like you always do. Later."

"When?"

"When it's ... when you can stop going to the Capitol for life and death matters."

"So I'll be alone."

"Of course not." His voice is filled with irony. "You'll have the other men."

"You really think that?"

He leans in close to her. For the first time, she realises he's wearing a proper shirt and not pyjamas of some kind. He'd always known her answer. "I'm sure once I'm gone, you'll find you don't want them anymore. Isn't that how it works?"

"I don't want them now."

"But you still go to them. And once I leave, you'll stop."

"When will you come back?" she asks, trying desperately not to show how hurt she is.

"When _they_ stop wanting _you_. If that ever happens." His voice drops to a mumble. "I don't think it ever could."

"When I'm old and grey? And we can't have those children you want? So we die together but don't _live_ together?" She sounds angrier but tears are sliding down her cheeks.

"As long as you have those men, neither of us is living," he says softly – almost too softly for her to catch. "How can I live, knowing you're away because if you stay, I'll die?"

"I..." She doesn't know how to respond. His eyes remain fixed on her. She can see the unshed tears.

"And," he continues, "how is it living, to constantly be called to the Capitol for the sole purpose of being raped?"

Their eyes lock in perfect understanding of the situation.

"I can do it," she says.

"Yet you flinch from every touch." He shakes his head and speaks at a normal volume. "You understand now, don't you? I can't stay when you have these men. Feel free to be bored of them as quickly as you want now I'm gone." The tears which have been shining in his eyes begin to fall. "Goodbye," he says. His voice is cracked, rather than confident.

She looks at the floor as he gets up. She wants to tell him so many things about why she would keep doing what she does, to keep him with her, and why him leaving will never make her happy, even if she can stop going to the Capitol.

But he deserves better than a girlfriend who flinches from his every kiss because of the men she sleeps with and who constantly puts him in danger. And she knows it.

"Goodbye," she says softly. He kisses her cheek. For the first time, she doesn't flinch.

He leaves her to her lonely life.


End file.
